Family

How did your family perceive you in relation to not being full Indian?

Although it sometimes is not verbally stated, I know that my family has different standards for me than they do for my family members my age who are 100% Indian. This difference can be percieved in some manners as a lower standard and others as a higher standard. For example, I have a cousin, Priya who is a year older than me, and this year we both are about to transfer out of community college. For her, our family sees her lack of motivation for a better life and less enthusiastic with her transfer. They say, "well I'm happy for her, we'll see how far she gets", yet I am the one who gets the whole, "Education is the most important thing in your life and no one can take your education away from you." speech. In addition to Priya, I have another cousin who is the same age as me and about 2 years ago, she announced that she got into UC Berkley. My family was not only not impressed, but they flat out thought she was lying. During a conversation between me and my aunt, she said, "If you were to tell me that you got in I would 100% believe you, but since she is saying it, I highly doubt that is true. I would need to see the paperwork to believe it." They are indirectly telling me that they expect more from me that I can go further in life and achieve more than her.

When it comes to the traditional roles of women in Indian culture such as cooking, my family now realizes that their expectations will not be achieved, but not for Priya. If she ever was to fail at completing those duties, it would be considered a disgrace to the family.

Last but not least, relationships. First, let me start off by telling you, my mom was the first, and the only person in our large immediate family to marry a non-Indian man. That did not go over very well, for my grandfather chased her with a machete when he found out. Thankfully, she broke the traditional marriage standard. I am very open about a lot to everyone, however, when it comes to my relationships, I am extremely private and don't share much if anything with my family. Despite this, everyone already expects me to marry a white man. With Priya on the other hand, just this last year they were considering an arranged marriage for her. Obviously, the standards between the two of us are far from similar.

The main difference between me and Priya are that I have become more "white-washed" or Americanized, while she holds more of our family's cultural heritage. This, in turn, increased their standards for success for me since I would be able to "fit in" and compete against other Americans for my American dream, while I am seen as a disappointment when it comes to preserving the traditional roles of women.